Chapter 16 — A Bit Deeper
Family, dreams, values.
Deeper questions come later, when you've built rapport and she's comfortable. These questions are more personal—about family, dreams, values, what matters to her. Use them when the conversation is flowing well and you want to connect on a deeper level.
About Her Family
Spanish: ¿Tienes familia aquí?
Word-by-word: Do-you-have family here?
Natural English: Do you have family here?
When to use: When you've been talking for a while and want to know more about her background.
Her possible replies:
- "Sí, mis padres viven aquí" (Yes, my parents live here) → You: "¿Los ves a menudo?" (Do you see them often?)
- "No, están en [lugar]" (No, they're in [place]) → You: "¿Los echas de menos?" (Do you miss them?)
- "Solo mi hermana" (Only my sister) → You: "¿Sois cercanas?" (Are you close?)
About Her Dreams
Spanish: ¿Qué te gustaría hacer en el futuro?
Word-by-word: What to-you would-like to-do in the future?
Natural English: What would you like to do in the future?
When to use: When you want to know about her aspirations and goals.
Her possible replies:
- "Me gustaría [algo]" (I would like [something]) → You: "¿Qué te motiva de eso?" (What motivates you about that?)
- "No lo sé todavía" (I don't know yet) → You: "¿Hay algo que te llama la atención?" (Is there something that catches your attention?)
- "Viajar más" (Travel more) → You: "¿A dónde te gustaría ir?" (Where would you like to go?)
About What Matters to Her
Spanish: ¿Qué es lo más importante para ti?
Word-by-word: What is the more important for you?
Natural English: What's most important to you?
When to use: When you want to understand her values and priorities.
Her possible replies:
- "Mi familia" (My family) → You: "¿Por qué?" (Why?)
- "Ser feliz" (To be happy) → You: "¿Qué te hace feliz?" (What makes you happy?)
- "Mi trabajo" (My work) → You: "¿Por qué es tan importante?" (Why is it so important?)
About Her Fears or Challenges
Spanish: ¿Qué es lo más difícil que has hecho?
Word-by-word: What is the more difficult that you-have done?
Natural English: What's the hardest thing you've done?
When to use: When you want to understand her resilience and experiences.
Her possible replies:
- "Mudarme aquí" (Moving here) → You: "¿Por qué fue difícil?" (Why was it difficult?)
- "Cambiar de carrera" (Changing careers) → You: "¿Cómo fue?" (How was it?)
- "No sé" (I don't know) → You: "¿Hay algo que te cueste hacer?" (Is there something that's hard for you to do?)
About Her Relationships
Spanish: ¿Qué buscas en una relación?
Word-by-word: What do-you-look-for in a relationship?
Natural English: What do you look for in a relationship?
When to use: Only if the conversation has naturally moved to relationships. Don't force it.
Her possible replies:
- "Compañerismo" (Companionship) → You: "¿Qué significa eso para ti?" (What does that mean to you?)
- "Respeto" (Respect) → You: "¿Y qué más?" (And what else?)
- "No lo sé" (I don't know) → You: "Vale, sin problema. Cambiemos de tema." (Okay, no problem. Let's change the topic.)
About Her Passions
Spanish: ¿Qué te apasiona?
Word-by-word: What to-you it-passions?
Natural English: What are you passionate about?
When to use: When you want to know what drives her.
Her possible replies:
- "[Algo específico]" ([Something specific]) → You: "¿Desde cuándo?" (Since when?)
- "Muchas cosas" (Many things) → You: "¿Cuál es la más importante?" (Which is the most important?)
- "No estoy segura" (I'm not sure) → You: "¿Hay algo que te haga sentir viva?" (Is there something that makes you feel alive?)
Key Points
- Only ask deeper questions when you've built rapport—not too early
- Listen actively—these questions can lead to meaningful conversations
- Share your own answers too—it's a two-way conversation
- If she seems uncomfortable, back off and change the topic
- Don't ask all of these in one conversation—pick one or two
- Respect her boundaries—if she doesn't want to answer, don't push
- These questions show you're interested in her as a person, not just superficially